Live for each day!!!

This year I have decided not to make any new years resolutions!!!!  I am going to have goals and aims instead, so here are some of them; One of them will be to sleep more!!!  Another to laugh more... Spend more time with the people I love and care about... Be the woman of God I know I can be... Have more commitment to my studies... Not to worry about small things but focus on the bigger picture... To protect myself more, however not to allow self-made barriers to control me... Dream  big.... Love more.... Take more chances... Become more dependable... Become less naive... Develop Relationships... Read more... Journal More... Broaden Trust, but post guards... Ignore silly negativity... Pray more realistically... Not to worry over things I cant change... Smile more... Live life to its fullest...

As the scarlet sunset slowly fades, And dusk introduces the night, The crescent moon on center stage, Gives forth a semblance of light. Perching on the mossy dock, Staring out at the mirrored lake, I reflect on this new battle, Unsure of which road to take. In this dark serenity, I humbly look up to You, Asking for Your guidance To show me what I must do. Gulls appearing as angels Are soaring though the skies, A congregation of wispy clouds, Have taken control of my eyes. Billowing sleeves of purest white, Seem coming through the haze, Majestic, gentle, outstretched arms, At once command my gaze. Asking for some answers, You've come with Your embrace Through the just born evening, You've filled me with Your grace. The water without a ripple, Reflects this scene from above, A most magnificent masterpiece, Painted wholly with Your love... Evening Answers - BSC

God, I'm in this place again, I'm trying so hard not to fall. Everything keeps coming down with the rain, And I try so hard, I forget to call. Everybodys looking around and wants to be found. And I'm just hanging on; I give you all that I am... Everyday Sunday - Hanging On

Christmas day was manic in my household as you can imagine!!!  We were all excited, Jack especially as Santa came to visit!!!  It was wonderful to spend the day with my Grandparents.  They love the noise and commotion a young family brings, they join in all the games and we all do have a giggle. Each year I note one thing that makes my Christmas.  This year amidst all the mayhem and noise my grandparents brought me the greatest happiness.  The whole time we opened our presents they sat there holding hands and smiling at each other. The whole time we played games or watched the film their love for each other radiated. After 49 years of marriage and 52 years of being together, I think that is an amazing thing and something I can only ever wish and pray for. 

This is the life we've been given So open your mind and start living We can play a part if we only start believing This is the life we've been given So open your heart and start loving We can make a start if we only learn to listen Take That - The Garden

Just wanted to announce that it is 7 hours and 1 minute until Father Christmas comes... I was having a discussion on Monday night about what gifts Santa puts in the stockings yearly - my list was things like a satsuma, chocolate coins, cotton wool, nail file, deodorant etc etc that's not including the little surprises!!! Eric thinks Father Christmas should be banned or something (which I think is appalling !!!) spending the day on Monday with some children who were so excited about Christmas was stunning, they were so excited for Father Christmas to come and were certain that they could sometimes hear bells, which meant Santa's helpers were watching them making sure they were being good!!! I just hope I am on the good list this year........

The saying goes 'Home is where the heart is'.  Firstly I struggle with that concept because physically your heart goes with you everywhere (I hope....) so therefore home is wherever you are physically. On the other hand if you say that your home is where your 'emotional' heart is, then I think I am homeless!!!  This upsets me.  As you can tell I have been thinking of this a lot recently because I do have random mind!  I know if ever I were physically homeless I would always have places to go.  I am fortunate to have some amazing friends, people whom God has placed in to my life who have honestly made such a difference.  People who have and am sure will continue to 'put up with me' when I have no where to go.   But where is my home?  Obviously I have a house where my family are, and where I  live.  But actually I don't consider that where my 'heart' stays.  Therefore my question is can  you be emotionally homeless?  If so how can you create/make/have ...

I didn't realise until these last few weeks that I cannot deal with pressure. I th ought I was pretty good at coping, however have been proved wrong. I had six university assignments to hand in this week, which I panicked about so much its unbelievable!!! After all the stress I put myself under, I finished before the deadline and handed them in early. I have hidden myself away from the world for a while, ignoring calls, texts and emails as well as deactivating facebook and blog accounts, cancelling time with my friends, the people that I actually should have asked support from. However in true Emma fashion reckoned I could deal with things in my own head space, all alone. As some special people have reminded me over the last year, things don't ever need to be dealt with alone. That is not why God placed friends in our lives. That is why the man was lowered to the feet of Jesus by his friends when he could not get there himself, that is why Aaron and Hur held Moses' arms up ...

I watched the film 'Pursuit of Happyness' tonight.  I cried.  The film is just beautiful.  The bit that touches me the most is when the father and son are in the church.  Everyone around them are worshipping God and the father is just holding onto is son, his arms tightly protecting him, the love just radiates from him. This echoes so much in our own lives.  People around us are getting on with their own things, yet we are standing still in time, clinging onto our Father and sometimes we don't feel Him there, but His arms are constantly wrapped around us, holding us close whilst loving and protecting us constantly.  

All I want is freedom Is that too much to ask All I want is freedom To forget everything from my past All I want is freedom To take away all the tears and the pain All I want is freedom To never feel that way again All I want is freedom  To love you my own way All I want is freedom  to make all my fears go away All I want is freedom To say 'I love you' All I want is free  To hear you say 'I love you too' Christal Carpenter

I have been in hospital the last two days, just for treatment and tests.  Those last two blog entries were posters on my wall. Anyone who knows me, understands what a wimp I am when it comes to needles and blood.  I am truly petrified of needles - blood I am starting to handle quite well thanks to frequent nose bleeds!!!  Anyway as the 'vampires' were having there own sweet way with my blood, my eyes fell upon these posters and the words just moved me.   In Church we have been looking at pressing on towards the goal and to me that was what the determination poster was all about.  It doesn't matter how fast or well you run this race, its the way you just keep persevering, no matter what is thrown at you, you just never give up, you keep going until you reach that finish line. The attitude quote for me was just pure encouragement.  I heard a preacher say on Sunday that we cant live in the past or assume/let the past dictate who we are now.  To me this attitude poster supporte...

Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows....

The race is not always to the swift but to those who kept running...

This is probably going to be the most random blog entry in my life but it was my thoughts so I am going to write it anyway!!! We had our last youth cell before Christmas today.  I love the youth they are truly truly truly fantastic.  However I am going to be so honest, I was thinking of stopping the youth work I do recently.  Tonight made me realise that is just so not an option!!! Anyway they love this game called consequences.  The one where you write a story line, fold the paper pass it to the next person they write another line and so on.  You end up with several stupid nonsense stories.  Sometimes you get the most fantastic stories from them though and things make sense even if you know they shouldn't, as the previous person had no clue what was written before hand. I took a drive after youth cell to clear my head and just get myself in a place suitable for the up-coming week.  A thought came to me (yes this is the random part...) the game consequences can have some parallel t...

I decided this afternoon that I was being miserable and completely scrooge-like in my approach to Christmas!!!! Although I have done my Christmas shopping, I have cheated and done most of it on the Internet so have not entered into the Christmas spirit of it!!!  Because of uni work and hospital visits I have not really thought about Christmas and I haven't written any Christmas cards because I have decided my money is better given to charity where it can make some difference. So it was very funny when I came home to see my Christmas decorations up!! My Mum and brother apparently had a fantastic time doing so - especially as it meant Jack could put the star on the tree without any arguments!!!   To make things even better we sat down together and watched the Christmas film 'Deck the Halls' which is so funny!!!  We all had such a giggle and I now feel truly Christmassy!!! Roll on the 25th December!!!

Every year my Grandma buys us advent calendars, it is her routine and she loves doing it for us. Even though us girls are now 21, 19 and 16 she wants to get us calendars which I think is really sweet! Anyway my youngest sister Victoria is mad on Zac Effron, which you probably gathered from my previous blog  so my Grandma bought her a high school musical advent calendar.  Except it also has a picture of Vanessa Hudgens on - which Victoria is not very impressed with.  (She think Vanessa has stolen her man in true 16 year old fashion!!!) At home we are all struggling with the sudden death of a close family friend so the mood is kind of strained.  So you can imagine the laughter and happiness that walking into the lounge to see Vanessa Hudgens face covered by a picture of my sister on her advent calendar would cause.  It was just priceless!!!

I have always hated goodbyes.  So much so that I have always refused to do them.  When I left my job as ministry apprentice at the church I had a 'see you soon' celebration instead of a farewell!  I even wrote in a good bye card this week that this wasn't goodbye, just see you soon.  At my Nans funeral I  didn't say goodbye - but see you soon as I know she is in heaven and one day I'll join her.  This has now been challenged as someone I loved so much has died very suddenly and he wasn't a Christian.  So what do I say now?   I guess I will have to say goodbye, the peace I get from that is being told on Sunday that goodbye means 'God be with You'.  So Perry Goodbye and rest in peace. x

At youth cell tonight we were posed the question how do you become less scared?  Fear was described as total darkness.  Complete black.  The only way to get rid of that darkness is by lighting a candle, or to shine a torch, or strike a match.  Those things were then described as Jesus.  To get rid of fear and to stop being scared we need to have Jesus. That just struck a cord with me... 

I have a confession - I did indeed go and see the film Igor this afternoon.  It was a kids film but nonetheless I loved it!!! They had such a sweet line in it which went a bit like this 'everyone has an evil bone in them, but we don't have to use it, we need to be the people that we want to be............in order to be evil we need to step all over people and I cant and wont do that!!!'   I LOVED IT!!!!   That is so what we need to be teaching our children!!!

The youth led a fantastic service last Sunday evening.  They spoke about Jesus in a messy world and random acts of kindness.  The service was truly brilliant the best one they've done and all that took part did so with enthusiasm and dedication.   They also spoke about random acts of kindness and doing something for someone.  Today I received a package with a beautiful gift from one of the youth.  It was amazingly sweet and actually made my week.  I know we can all learn so much from our youth of today.........

I spent a fantastic afternoon with a friend today.  Because of the  abnormal sunny November day, we decided to get sandwiches and eat them in the park.  We then spent ages kicking leaves. It was such a childlike thing to do and I honestly don't think I have laughed so much in my life!  I was crying with pure laughter.  We literally just mucked around for ages in the leaves - just pure relaxation and I have decided the best way to spend a Saturday afternoon!!!!

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain Slapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight? Or gazed at the sun into the fading night? You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask how are you? Do you hear the reply? When the day is done Do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head? You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. Ever told your child we'll do it tomorrow? And in all you haste, No see his sorrow? Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die Cause you never had time  to call and say 'Hi' You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. When you run so fast to get somewhere You miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day It is like an unopened gift..... Thrown away Life is n...

Guard your heart above all things for it determines the course of your life (Proverbs 4:23, NLT)

Dream as though you'll live forever Live as though you'll die today James Dean

A beautiful artist called Carrie Underwood sings this amazing song called "Jesus take the Wheel" it is a gorgeous song. She sings about how we cant do things on our own and all we can do is remove our hands from the wheel and  let Jesus take control.  That is so difficult when we don't want to give up control or we don't want to give in to something or someone.  But what she sings is so true, without handing it over we will never succeed.   "Jesus take the wheel Take it from my hands Because I cant do this on my own I'm letting go So give me one more chance Save me from this road I'm on Jesus take the wheel"

Over the last few weeks we have been doing a series entitled 'Pressing On' at church.  It has been so challenging and thought-provoking.  My beautiful friend Lyndsay wrote this song which is just truly stunning. Whatever was to my profit, I count it all as loss Everything I held to, Laid down at the cross Compared to know Jesus, Everything grows dim Life finds its true meaning  being found in Him I press on to win the prize I press on because Christ died I press on for I know I'll see Jesus' face smiling at me Looking forwards, I press on Looking forwards, I press on For the joy before Him, Christ suffered and died Now He's called me heavenward, To be at His side Compared to chasing Jesus , Every path goes astray Through the darkest valley, In His arms I will stay

I have some big decisions to make over the next few weeks.  It is so insane I still feel like a little girl so making all these adult decisions just doesn't make much sense to me right now!!! I went for one of my walks this evening - before you assume it was not Southend!  I am trying to find a new place to venture, Southend is almost warn out with my visiting and I think it is time I found some place new.  Anyway I was walking along just thinking and praying, asking for real wisdom and guidance for the next few weeks.  I am not really one of those people who gets a scripture from God that relates to their situation so I am not saying this definitely was but Jeremiah 29 kept coming to mind.  Nothing more precise just Jeremiah 29. This evening I have read it and verses 11-12 just had my heart captured  "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and p...

Tonight I went to see the musical 'Never Forget' . It was truly hilarious. Extremely cheesy and just so entertaining. I am a true Take That fan through and through so it was great to have a sing-a-long even if the story line was soppy and slightly predictable!!! I had a great time with awesome company, and we came out humming all the tunes......

Live out each day like it might be you last Don't plan for the future, don't hide from the past Smile at strangers and you might change a life Offer kisses and hugs even in pain and strife Don't count all your money, count all your friends Don't look to the dark side as a means to the end Shake off your stresses, your worries, your cares This life is a challenge so take on the dares Don't tell people your heartaches, tell them your dreams Let them know that life can be better than it seems Don't number your problems, number the stars Gaze up to heaven and see the distance isn't far Don't let your whole life be ruled by your fear Cherish the memories of all things you hold dear Don't hold back the tears as they fall from your eyes Don't give into sadness or fall for the lies You can fly with the angels, you can sing in the night Don't let your head doubt what your heart knows is right Whisper a secret to the dawn of the day Look to your loved ...

To celebrate the return of my MAC.  My brother and I have just spent an hour taking the most stupid pictures.  It has been so much fun and defiantly the pick me up I needed today...

This video is about my friend Rachael, I became friends with her in the Royal Brompton Hospital and she is an amazing, stunning woman.  Rachael is really sick, yet beauty and radiance shine from her. Some people made this video for her in a bid to raise some money in order to help her get to America for some treatment.   This is not why I have placed it on here.  Rachael makes me realise how blessed I am. Rachael makes me able to awake every morning thanking God that I am alive for one more day. Rachael makes me want to live each day I am given to the uttermost fullest.  Rachael makes me a better person for knowing her. Rachael makes me count my blessings. I hope she can do this for you too. Rachael's Last Plea http://www.onetruemedia.com/otm_site/view_shared?p=72df2ce575d0c8c99e26d5&skin_id=601&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

Tonight I went to see the film "The Boy in Stripped Pyjamas" with a friend.  It was amazing!!! It was very gut-wrenching and not the type of film to watch when you aren't wearing waterproof mascara ladies!!!  I have heard very mixed reviews about the film but I loved it.  I thought it was directed fantastically and the two little actors were just phenomenal!  But yes I did cry and yes I most likely did make myself look like a total twit! However I have thoroughly enjoyed my evening, even f I was a little apprehensive about going.  

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/4/20081016/twl-legal-case-against-god-thrown-out-41f21e0.html

So I am now officially old!!! I have had the most fantastic 21st birthday. I have spent it with the most beautiful and selfless people who have truly made it the best birthday I can remember..... Roll on a new year with new adventures!!!

Today has been a tough one for me. I have been to the hospital and made big decisions, spent time in deep conversations with people where I have challenged them, but also been challenged. I have heard heartbreaking news and been told fantastic news. It has been a real mixture of emotions, I have laughed and cried, been serious and stupid. I have been made to question so much. I went for a fantastic drive, originally I was going to go to Southend, but decided loud music was in order so went driving in country lanes which is honestly really therapeutic. I got home a short time ago and read today's' devotional from a book entitled "Ending you day right" by Joyce Meyer. I was bought the book for my baptism but never really followed it. Today's read: 'Trust in, lean on, rely on, and have confidence in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is a refuge for us (a fortress and a high tower). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]! (P...

I was extremely privileged to share in the most beautiful day yesterday for Jon and Vicky's wedding.  It was awesome and they both looked stunning (yes even you Jon!!!).  Love is such an amazing gift from God and it  was amazing to see the love that God has given this beautiful couple for each other.   My heart felt congratulations to you both may God bless and guide you in this new part of your journey together

Today someone fleetingly commented on worth and selling yourself short because you don't think you're worth enough. That comment has stuck with me since so much so,that instead of going out I needed to go home and just spend some time with God in Bible study and prayer. I found myself drawn into Psalm 139 . All of a sudden I was sobbing at the beauty and truth of this psalm. 'Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?' (verse 7) Whenever we want to hide from God whether that be denying Him or convincing ourselves we are doing His will when we know we're not, He is still there. He knows what we are doing. We cant hide. God knows us and all He wants for us is good. So those who convince us to do something which won't bring goodness to us, aren't telling us to do something for God. After my time out I needed to be free so in usual Emma style went for a drive. Once in the beautiful Southend I went armed for my usual beach walk with my ...

If you want to have a giggle turn to page 11 on today's Daily Mail and you will see my 16 year old sister screaming hysterically after touching Zac Efron at the High School Musical 3 Premiere! Teenagers!!!!

A little while ago I posted a blog which was a video accompanied by the song "Worth it" by Rita Springer. Tonight this is my prayer, my song, my offering to God. It is so true that we don't ever understand why something is happening, or why He is leading us in the direction that we really don't want to go, however we must follow and obey. Through our pain, our dependency upon Him increases and our love flows deeper, even if that is not how we feel. I know that when my race finishes, whenever that may be, I will look into God's face and say to Him - It was so worth it. Here are the lyrics to that song: I don't understand Your ways Oh but I will give You my song Give You all of my praise You hold on to all my pain With it You are pulling me closer And pulling me into Your ways Now around every corner And up every mountain I'm not looking for crowns Or the water from fountains I'm desperately seeking, frantic believing That the sight of Your face Is all ...

Where is another God like you,  who pardons the guilt of the remnant, overlooking the sins of his special people?  You will not stay angry with your people forever, because you delight in showing unfailing love. Once again you will have compassion on us.  You will trample our sins under your feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean! You will show us your faithfulness and unfailing love as you promised to our ancestors Abraham and Jacob long ago. Micah 7:18-20 (NLT)

On my new degree course I have really had my eyes opened and faith tested.  I am the only Christian on my course which is a far cry from working in an all Christian environment last year!  I am finding it really hard to adjust to this shift but guessing it it will be good for me to grow and develop in my faith.  I am now just waiting for the Christian Union to be set up at the university so I have some support from other Christians at uni. Being the only Christian is very noticeable when it comes to my Ethics and Values class!  My lecturer already knows my name (why I can't remain anonymous for just a little while I will never know!)  He is also the type of man who wants to know why? It drives me up the pole! He wants to know the root cause of all the decisions we make, he likes to blame all of mine on being a Christian and takes great pride in starting religious debates as often as possible.  Three weeks into my course and I think I have defended my faith more than I have ever had...

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Hilary Cooper

This evening I watched a programme called 'The Virgin Daughters" on channel four.  It was all about purity and sex before marriage. I have to be truthful it totally freaked me.   I really believe that marriage is sacred and an act that shouldn't be taken into lightly, I also whole- heartedly  believe that you should save yourself for marriage. Saving yourself however I don't believe means you cant hold hands or kiss.  God isn't going to be upset with you because you kissed a boy at the age of 15, you aren't going to be unclean for holding someone of the opposites sex hand.  It makes me think what impression are we giving to younger non-Christians, 'if you become a Christian you cant hold you boyfriend/girlfriends hand until you're married'; that is insane and frankly I don't think 98% of young people will buy into. Also no offense to my Dad, however I don't want him to pick my future husband.  If my previous boyfriends asked my Dads permissi...

I was put to absolute shame on Monday night by my youth cell.  I was in a warm up session and was asked the question "what was the happiest thing that happened to you last year?" my mind froze and I didn't know what to say.   One of my youth told me what should have been my answer to that question and actually it wasn't working with them!!!  It was a serious one involving God's provision and gracefulness.  It has had me thinking these last couple of days.   It is so easy to forget how amazing God is, especially when we are suffering or busy or just feeling down. It is so easy to forget how God has already provided so much for us in so many ways.   When we don't feel great it is so easy to forget to be thankful to God for all He has done.   "This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" Psalm 118:24

OK so I have given in and joined the MAC sphere!!!   I purchased my very own MAC book last night.  I have to admit it is pretty good!  I am getting used to using it and have transferred all my music, pictures etc and am having great fun! Now I know what everyone was talking about......

I start university today which has aroused so many mixed emotions. I am nervous but excited, questioning but organized! I am looking forward to this new chapter, yet have some doubts which I guess is quite normal. I have been up for hours unable to sleep and have many scenarios rushing through my mind. I have had two gap years and now its time to get down to some work!!! So here goes, a new chapter is soon to begin...

When asked the question "what do you do for enjoyment?" I froze. How ridiculous is that? I know what I enjoy and what I don't, I know who I enjoy spending company with and who I don't; therefore why couldn't I answer the question? It got me thinking more than I ever realised such a simple question could. So I went to my usual location to think about it - Southend!!! I stood on the beach and just thought, and thought, and thought. It then occurred to me how funny it is, that you give up so much when you think people think you should. When I fell ill my parents made me believe I needed to give up everything, I am sure that wasn't intentional but that is what happened. So gradually over time I have given up a lot of my 'wild ways', for some of them that's good, but for others it makes me wonder. Then I realised how easy it is to get yourself into this 'Christian bubble', its so easy to not have any social circles apart from those that involve ...

Last Thursday I started a short bible course from 'The way of the Spirit' series called 'Five Smooth Stones' by Richard George. The subtitle to this course is 'learning to over come your Goliaths', I found it so good. There is a really small group of us doing it and literally last week was the first week but already I have learnt and been challenged so much. I just thought I would comment on some of the things I heard from our first session. Firstly no one can walk our walk. Which sounds so obvious but sometimes I fail to remember that. No one can fight my fights, deal with my tasks or walk in my shoes except me. However much I may want someone to, no one can! God knows the purpose He has for each one of our lives, He knows what each of us are being trained for and individually we must complete the tasks set before us. Secondly, we discussed about it not being about what you do, but what is in your heart that counts. You can go through the motions at church, or ...

"I know that some wounds are not meant to be healed by human touch. Only the tears of the Divine can cleanse these smudges on our souls" Pieces of Glass - Sarah Kay